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Sunday, 21 June 2009

I doubt that we'll ever be the same
and I guess I am afraid
I'll miss who we were.

There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you'd better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you'll never understand what it's saying.

Steal me, deal me, anyway you heal me
Maim me, tame me, you can never change me
Love me, like me, come ahead and fight me
Please me, tease me, go ahead and leave me
~Garbage *I Think I'm Paranoid*

No one could ever, or will ever, replace you. Even if I tried to forget you, I'd just be rushing my heart. You have my heart and that I promise you.

It made me wonder how
many times we forgive just
because we don't want
to lose somebody, even if
they don't deserve our forgiveness.

I used to be mad at you. A little on the hurt side too, but I'm not who I was. I found my way around to forgiving you some time ago, but I never got to tell you so. I found us in a photograph. I saw me and I had to laugh. You know, I'm not who I was. You were there, you were right above me and I wonder if you ever loved me just for who I was. When the pain came back again like a bitter friend, it was all that I could do to keep myself from blaming you. i reckon it's a funny thing. I figured out I can sing. Now I'm not who I was. I write about love and such. Maybe 'cause I want it so much. at least i expected the disappointment, right? i mean, i cant say i was surprised you hurt me once again. but i cant say it hurt any less, either.

She has future plans and dreams at night.
When they tell her life is hard, she says,
"that's alright."

I don't mind when surveys ask what song I'm listening to.
I like doing 10 surveys at once.
Whistling isn't in my list of 'skills'.
What's lastfm?
My mom likes some of the music that I listen to.
My dad can name any song, along with the artist just seconds of hearing it.
I could just sit around watching movies all day
I always put a period at the end of my sentence when taking surveys.
I've stayed in a motel, more than once.
I hate verizon.
I hate when my feet fall asleep.
I'm just about ready to give up cigarettes for good
I've seen Plain White Tees in concert, and they're amazing
I've been to a Nelly concert.
My desk is a mess.
I don't scar easily.
I use covergirl makeup.
I hungout with my boyfriend yesterday.
I lost something very important lately.
Pineapple Express will always make me laugh.
I'm always looking for new songs to listen to.
I say 'fuck my life' a lot.
I have the shittiest luck, ever.
I'm not a very happy camper lately.
Sometimes I question why I'm so addicted to surveys
H2O is awesome.
I woke up in a cranky mood today.

Friday, 19 June 2009

I'm done being lazy and I've got the love of my life back (after waiting almost exactly a year) so h

I understood that he didn't want me around anymore.
But it made life seem black and white, flat and dimensional.
I craved the oxygen and color he brought.
He had changed life, and now it just couldn't change back

At some point you have to realize that he doesn't care,
and maybe you're missing out on someone who does

I've learned that you can never expect anything from anyone, no matter who it is. The moment you do, you're just setting yourself up to be let down.

Maybe one day, we'll meet again.
When our two roads meet the same
dead end .
~Jets to Brazil *Your X-Rays Have Just Come Back From The Lab And We Think We Know What Your Problem Is*

Something that really confuses me is when couples break up, it is almost as if they are expected to hate each other. So many people say that they hate their former opposite but deep down they really don't. I guess hate is just a good disguise for missing what you had and being mad for whatever that it is that you don't have it anymore.

If you can't sleep, then get up and do
something instead of lying there worrying.
It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep.

It's the possibility that keeps me going not the guarantee,
a sort of wager on my part. And though you may call me a fool,
or any other thing, I believe anything is possible.

taking stupid risks is what makes life worth living

They used to be ~~best friends~~. He was a quiet boy, she could be heard from a mile away. He hung out with the nerds, she was friends with everyone and anyone. He was always walking alone, she was always crowded by a group of people. He loved animals, she was scared of spiders. No one knew his name, and no one could keep her name out of their mouth. He was conservative, she handed out pieces of herself to anyone who showed any interest. He never got hurt, she was scared after always being hurt. He liked being alone, she feared that she would be alone forever. He was tall, she was the shortest in her grade. He didn't care, she cared about everything more then her own life. He was okay with being an outsider, she ~~worked hard~~ to be accepted. He was smart, her academic skills were always underestimated. He blushed, her face was always red. He skateboarded, she admired him from afar. No one noticed him, she was always staring at him. He was scared of rejection, she could have had anyone she wanted. He didn't trust, she blindly followed anyone who said that they cared. He didn't love, she wore her heart on her sleeve. He thought he wasn't good enough for her, she thought he could have anyone. He saw her staring, she wished she could talk to him. He didn't believe anything of it, she wished he knew. He was a ~~nobody~~, she was one of the popular crowd. He thought that she wouldn't ever like him, she thought he would never like her. 4 years past, he forgot, she cried herself to sleep. He was as quiet as ever, she wished he knew. They never spoke to each other, he didn't really mind, she wished he'd say hi. He was too busy with school, she was busy watching him. ~~Unrequited love~~. Oh how she wished she'd told him 4 years ago, that she loved him…Now, they talk every so often. He has a girlfriend but ~~knows~~ he wants her, she knows she’s in love. He thinks about her all the time, she tries to move on and forget. He kissed her once and will never forget, she wants him to kiss her everyday. He wished she knew, she wished he knew.

"Cut the Ending, revise the script, the man of her dreams is a girl."
~Julie Anne Peters

People always know the truth. They may not like it or want to know it, but they always know. Lie and you'll lose her.

I don't need anyone to throw rocks at my window or write a song for me.
I don't even need someone to wipe the hair out of my eyes.
The only thing that I want is to be in your arms.

She's a summer girl. She likes simple things and she hates drama.
She wishes that she could wear flip-flops year round and she hates being cold.
She's moody during the winter cause things are usually falling apart.
But then summer comes, it always does. And she realizes that she has true friends,
and that nothing can beat those summer days and nights that are spent with waves crashing,
and sand between her toes.

1. do you have a favorite day of the year that is not a holiday or your birthday?
yes
2. did you ever learn about the salem witch trials in school?
a little but I learned mostly on my own
3. when you're doing surveys, and you really have to pee, do you get up or wait till you're done with the survey?
get up
4. do you know what your dad is doing at the moment?
fuck no but that bastard should be getting shot at the moment
5. do you say "hold on one second" or "hold on one minute"?
either
6. have you ever had a dog that drank out of the toilet?
yes
7. what color are your measuring cups?
blue
8. how big is your mother's purse?
medium
9. does your kitchen sink have two sections or is it just one whole sink?
two
10. how many big projects have you done this year in school?
none
11. if you could make your own magazine, what would you call it and what would be the main purpose for it?
I think I would call it Random and it would be random articles about random stuff
12. did you ever play mad libs?
yes
13. if you have a baby girl someday, would you get her ears pierced while she's still a baby?
no
14. do you have seat cushions on your dining room table chairs?
yes, they were there when we bought them, they're built onto the chairs
15. where is your favorite place to go miniature golfing?
I don't do mini golf... I'm bad at it
16. how many movies have you seen that were based off of a book?
a lot
17. do you ever wear your shirts inside out?
no
18. would you ever paint your face for a football game?
probably no
19. have you ever drawn a turkey by tracing your hand?
yes
20. does your computer desk, if you have one, have wheels?
no, it's a corner desk

1.Have you ever found a bug in your food?
yes
2.Do you ever read things you wrote as a kid? What were you like?
no
3.What is most of your junk email from?
stores
4.Do you have any upcoming appointments? what for?
fitting for contacts next week
5.Your boyfriends birthday is coming up, and you're totally broke. what do you do?
get some money
6.Would you be content to turn out just like your mom?
FUCK NO
7.What is one skill you would like to have, but don't want to work towards?
theres a list
8.Why did you last feel awkward?
uuuuhhhh... last night when I was drunk and having an intense text conversation with my ex, we ended up getting back together YAY, but my best friend sat there the entire time telling me I was making a mistake and it was awkward, not gonna lie, its just awkward to not be listening to someone as much as I wasn't listening to her and have them know you're not listening but they keep talking anyway... yeah.. it was weird
9.Do you have letters of the alphabet that you like? which ones?
x
10.Would you like to complain about anything right now?
a few things actually
11.What is going to happen in your life in 2010?
I am totally unsure but thats whats exciting about it
12.if u could pick one topic for everyone in ur country to learn more about, what would you pick?
the ways of old, the old gods, the traditions and beliefs that we've abandoned for no good reason that should be a part of our lives every day
13.How do you feel about people your age having children?
it's their choice but I personally would never choose to have a kid at my age, if I got pregnant I would keep my kid but I sooo wouldn't have one on purpose
14.When was the last time you were at a park?
a few days ago
15.Could you fall asleep right now if you tried?
yes
16.Do you feel like going to funerals helps you in the grieving process?
no
17.If humans could have their eyes be any color in the world, which color would you want?
red
18.What do you want out of life?
pretty much just to continue as I am right now with the person I'm with
19.How do you feel about the whole, organic food craze?
to each their own
20.Who was the last person you heard snore?
my mother
21.Have you ever been in a car accident? were you driving or someone else? what happened?
several, usually someone else is driving, it's not really an accident when I drive, it's usually on purpose
22.Who was the last person you met?
no clue
23.Do you think it's possible for an 18 year old to be ready to get married?
yes
24.Have you ever had a dream about someone on tv, or a show? what happened?'
several times but theres way too much to explain
25.Do you have any middle aged adults on myspace or facebook whose default is their senior picture?
no

Saturday, 06 June 2009

The best things in life are unseen.
That's why we close our eyes
when we kiss, cry, and dream.

I just want to live my life without you. I want to
be able to wake up each morning and not wish
you would call me. I want to be able to walk
around with a smile, and pass right by you without
a second glance, without noticing that you
never gave me one.

Please give me one last chance
To prove myself
To prove my heart to you
I'm crying out to be in your arms again

Suddenly everything just changed,
something told me I just might stay.
When I was sixteen going on seventeen,
I didn't know much of anything.
~Sugarland *Sugarland*

A heart break isn't always as loud as a bomb exploding.
Sometimes it's as silent as a feather falling.
And the only one who can hear it is you.

Someday someone might come into your life and love you the way you’ve always wanted. If your someday was yesterday, learn. If your someday is tomorrow, hope. If your someday is today, cherish it.

Why must conversions always come so late?
Why do people always apologize to corpses?

I'm trying to think of something to do, just to keep me from thinking of you,
but you know it's not working out, because your all that's on my mind.
One thought of you is all it takes to leave the rest of the world behind.

Be honest, who are you texting?
no one
What is something that you realized today?
this guy I know has an AMAZING back and I really enjoy touching it
Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
I know a few who do
What do you currently hear right now?
baby birds outside my window
Do you smoke crack everyday?
nope, just cigs
Have you ever ridden a horse?
yes, I love them
Are you anything like you were at this point last year?
absolutely not... I wish I was
How do you feel about school?
I hate it and its ridiculous and I'm soooo glad I'm done
Are you a patient person?
no
Would you rather be mad or sad?
mad, its a lot easier and more stress relieving to yell than cry
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?
I have
Are you afraid of death/dying?
nope, its a natural part of life
Think a lot before you fall asleep?
yes
Have you ever liked someone who treated you like crap?
I still do
What color underwear are you wearing?
hot pink,white, and black
What do you usually order from starbucks?
nothing, starbucks is an evil government mind control conspiracy and if you drink the drinks there you'll end up a mindless drone controlled by the government so I don't go there... and I'm sure that doesn't make me sound crazy at all
What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
dr pepper
When was the last time you gave/received a hug?
today
Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
oh fuck no
Have you ever sang karaoke in a public place?
yes
When was the last time you felt like just disappearing?
last week
Have you ever felt worthless?
not entirely
What would you do if you one the lottery?
shop, move out, shop more, pay for college, shop some more... oh and uh... shop
Does any part of your body hurt right now?
my entire body, still sore from the paint fight on thursday
What are you craving?
a vanilla latte with whip cream and a double shot espresso with whip cream
How did you sleep last night?
pretty well
Do you like fortune cookies?
love them
Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them, or talk to?
yes
Did you ever like someone you didnt expect you would?
yes, I actually love him but I shouldn't after all the shit he put me through but I'm just glad we're past all the bullshit now and we can be friends, even if its hard as hell to be just friends with someone I'm still in love with
Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
jeans
Do you like something that most of your friends would find you weird for?
yes
Do you have a passion for oldies music?
no, just 80's
Are you a fan of reading?
I read daily for hours
What's your favorite color nail polish to wear?
black, pink, or burgundy
Did you know the first music video aired on MTV was "Video Killed the Radio Star?"
Yes! LOVE IT!
What was the last curse word you said aloud?
fuck or cunt... can't remember which came first
Have you ever listened to CDs to calm you down / put you to sleep?
yes
How often do you charge your cell phone?
every night
Have you ever known someone that ate their school lunches in the bathroom?
me and my friend used to because we would sit in there and do things we weren't supposed to do in school and talk about things we aren't supposed to talk about in school
Who do you care about more than yourself?
someone who will only be known as Sunshine because I can't bear to hear his name, my beliefs, my closest friends, Angelo, my Angel, and my Adonis (wow I use code names a lot)
Has any one said they love you in the last week? Who?
yes, a few friends and my mom
Do you have good memories with your friends?
oh hell yes
Are you good at hiding your feelings?
extremely
Is there anyone you know that deserves to get slapped?
quite a few people I know actually
Is there anyone you cannot go a day without talking to?
yes
Do you look people in the eyes when you talk to them?
mostly, unless I'm distracted by something else in the room
Anything you would change about your life right now?
several things
If you're quiet what does that mean?
there are several things that could mean

Friday, 05 June 2009

They're playing love songs on the radio.
I cannot relate to that now.
See, my life had it's ups and downs,
it's high points and it's low points.
And right now I need some excitement.
I might even need you.

All I want is one person. One person to hold me down and force me to say how I really feel.

One day you learned how to spell "heaven",
the next you told me to go to Hell.
Well its the hypocrites who sink on ships,
so I hope I see you smile when you go down
~Backseat Goodbye *Heaven, Hell, and Tomorrow*

You can't tell someone that you'll be there and then walk away like you don't care.
I'm not saying this cause I'm mad, I just want you to understand.
One day, it's gonna catch up with you.

A part of me wants to erase you from my past.
But another part of me still wants you in my future.

But theres a few things that I just need you to know
The way I felt when we were close
And how the stars explode everytime you are near

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion- not proof, to destroy it. I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others, they're more screwed up than you think. I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away

What are you listening to?
my fan
Where were you last night?
paint fighting at a park
Do you remember a time you laughed over somthing not funny?
of course
Last person you told a secret to?
cyn
How many true friends do you have?
a lot, I would have more if I knew if I could count Andrew's multiple personalities
Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 5 days?
yep
Have you ever liked someone older than you?
yep, dated them too
Do you trust all your friends?
no
Is there someone that makes you happy every time you speak with them?
yes
Do you think you've changed over the past year?
yeah. way too much in my opinion
Is there someone you want to be with right now?
yes
Is there someone you'd like to fix things with?
several people actually
Are you wearing jeans right now?
nope
Do you enjoy late night phone conversations?
sometimes
Is anyone else in the room with you?
no
Is there anyone you don't know what you would do without?
yes
When was the last time you went camping?
a few weeks ago..... it went ALL wrong and I almost ended up in jail... never doing that again
Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
I stole it from Andrew
Where were you at midnight last night?
laying in bed reading
Are you happier now or three months ago?
very much so
Are you a jealous person?
it depends on the person I'm with and if theres a good reason to be jealous but not usually
Do you hate anyone?
of course
Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
probably
Would you rather love one person or have many short relationships?
manyshort relationships unless the one person happens to be this certain person that I still love
If you were given the chance to go to Paris, would you go?
yep and I'd stay there
Have you ever given someone your entire heart?
yes and it ended REALLY bad but things are okay now, we're friends again but I don't know, he still has all of me
Do you want to grow old with someone or be single forever?
unless the someone is my ex, I'd prefer to be alone forever
How many people have you liked in the past month?
one.... maybe two
Who was the last person you texted?
andrea
Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?
emotionally abusive
Has a boy ever hit you?
yes but I hit him first
Who would you allow to read your thoughts for one day?
uh, try no one
Name your last reason for using a camera?
boredom
Do you like to cuddllee?
yes
What would your name be without the first three letters?
mine
What will you be doing tomorrow?
my graduation party
How do you feel about your hair right now?
my highlights need to be lighter and it's being an asshole and won't cooperate
How old will you be this year?
17
When did you last cry?
last night, but it was happy crying
Is your sister a slut?
I don't have a sister
What should you be doing right now?
something productive lol
Do you hate the last guy you were talking to?
of course not
Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
I write about them but I don't talk about them usually

Thursday, 04 June 2009

graduating tonight... today is the day... wow... I'm scared shitless

I don’t love you, I'm just passing the time
You could love me if I knew how to lie.
~Panic! At The Disco *She Had The World*

Never give up if you still wanna try.
Never wipe your tears if you still wanna cry.
Never settle for the answer if you still wanna know
Never say you don't love him if you can't let him go...

Nobody wants to be around a weepy drunk bastard when everyone else is trying to have a good time

I don't know why I kept a reminder of that day.
All these years, all these reminders. Some things you
carry with you forever. You don't need reminders.
Some things leave permanent scars.

Because for you,
I’d spend the next three hours picking out the perfect shade of nail polish,
straightening my hair,
and even finding that shirt that matches my eyes,
and guess what?
I rarely wear nail polish, my hair is always curly, and I’ll pretty
much throw on whatever’s clean.
That’s how much you mean to me

You'd never catch me, I'm stealing last nights story
but I doubt you really cared at all, no not at all.
You're the muse in my life, when you leave I'll die.
Will you keep me alive?

I've got loads of homework to do
I wash in between my toes
I put one scoop of chocolate powder in my chocolate milk
I've always wanted a pet monkey
I talk on the phone for at least an hour a day
There's some sort of animal in the room I'm in right now
The door to my bedroom is closed
I'm crying right now
The radio is on in my house right now
I'm a very emotional person
I find it hard to express what I'm feeling a lot of the time
I'll admit it, I'm a shallow person
Stars are hard to draw for me
Opera annoys me
I have Logitech speakers for my computer
Broccoli is my favourite vegetable
I never remember how to spell 'definitely'
Tea is better than coffee
I can't say the word 'synonym'
I'm under a lot of pressure right now
Three Days Grace is my favourite band
Photography is amazing
My younger brother goes to daycare
I have read 'The Merchant of Venice'
Math is my best subject, though not my favourite
For the longest time, I didn't know what 'rofl' meant
Sugarcult are fantastic
I have been to a wedding that was not in a church or on the beach
Neopets is one of the websites I visit everyday
My significant other is currently injured
I hate how people don't just speak their mind!
I read Fanfic when I'm bored
The Climb would be a great song if Miley Cyrus didn't sing it
People say I'm going to be a great parent someday
My username is a nickname my best friend gave me
I want to be an author when I'm older
Mint chocolate chip is my absolute favourite ice cream
I want Lil' Kim to win Dancing with the Stars
I have a day calendar
My washing machine is currently broken
I wear bows in my hair
I don't know what 'S.O.S' stands for
I'm going to start on some of my homework now